When I was a kid, Christmas brought up complex feelings. On the one hand, I was crazy for it. Obviously, I liked getting gifts (some would even say I was spoiled), but aside from that, I think I appreciated the fact that it was a reliable occurrence when I often felt out of control of my reality. We would always get a tree (or two), familiar decorations and stockings would see the light of day, cookies would be made, we would pile into my grandparent's house, Santa would come, and all was somewhat the same as I remembered it to be. But on the other hand, it was quite a complicated time of year coming from a blended family, with multiple sets of parents to consider, there were years when I had four or five Christmas gatherings to attend. When I was young, this didn’t necessarily bother me - more gatherings = more gifts - but the older I got, the more I resented the fragmentation, and being carted around. By the time I reached my twenties, I admit that I became somewhat of a Scrooge as I found it harder to navigate the emotions that came up and the dynamics that presented, I began to fantasize about avoiding them altogether. Once I got into a serious relationship, it became clear to me that I would never be able to escape the fact that the Christmas season would always have many moving parts as Jesse and I began to blend as a family of our own. With my therapist’s help, I came to realize that I had to carve out a space of my own amongst the holiday madness.
Jesse and I had our first Christmas together in December 2020 after 5 years of being together. Previously, we had avoided adding anything more to our plates or causing friction by spending the holidays separately. Lockdown offered us a reset and a chance to imagine the holidays in a way that suited us. What we learned was that we actually enjoyed Christmas when we got to participate on our terms. We initiated some new traditions together like putting up a tree with homemade decorations, listening to Dolly + Kenny’s Christmas album on vinyl, enjoying our cocktail hour cheeseboard and pet-nat with a movie; and incorporating traditions from our respective families like seafood on Christmas eve and going for a big walk outdoors on Christmas day. Each year we kind of expand upon the precedents we set together. One year we brought our tree to stay with us in my grandparents' guest suite and foraged the property for wrapping accessories. This year we’ve kicked the decorating up a notch with the return of my childhood decorations and crafting in front of the Julia Child show. I’m also starting a new tradition of making homemade gifts (I wish I could tell you what, but pretty much all of the recipients read this newsletter). Creating a cozy home base keeps us grounded during the travelling circus that is our holiday season and makes me feel in control of my own experience since I’m essentially creating it for myself. This also means that I don’t have to place grand expectations on others, which makes for way more enjoyable, and chill time.
I love how sensory the Holidays are: the lights and foliage, the smell of cedar, pine, citrus, and clove, the sound of chamber music (on repeat over here) and bells, the feeling of warmth from a fire or cold from snow, and most importantly array of tastes from festive delights. Food is of course taken very seriously in our household, and is where most of the traditions that we continue with lie. My gramps and I like to come together to collaborate on Christmas treats. One year we made a variety of homemade chocolate truffles, and I have been known to help with leftover turkey pot pies. But for the past couple of years, we have stuck to chicken liver pâté - my favourite part of a pre-dinner spread. He has been making the same recipe for 31 years, which is courtesy of a family friend, Evelyn Mark. Liver is a love-or-hate situation, but the nutritional benefits are enormous which is why organ meats have been trending in the health world this year. Liver is high in protein, iron, and b-vitamins, and is one of the best sources of vitamin A. It is a particularly good food to include in your diet if you are trying to conceive. Liver is also an incredible bang for your buck (1 lb of beef liver is like $3), and sustainable - if you think about all of the chicken parts you consume in a year (thighs, breasts, drumsticks), it’s worth considering the offals (the edible internal parts of the animal) that get chucked at the expense of separating multiple birds for one pack of meat. Making a pâté helps to make the eating experience more enjoyable by blending it with aromatics and turning it into something smooth and spreadable. I hope you try it out if you’re brave enough! We would all be honoured to have it grace your holiday table.
Evelyn Mark’s Party Pâté
250 g bacon, diced
3 small onions, chopped
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1 apple, peeled, cored, and chopped
1 kg fresh chicken livers
2 tsp salt
1 ½ tsp thyme
½ tsp rosemary
½ cup unsalted butter, cubed
¼ cup sherry or brandy
Sautée bacon, onion and garlic until bacon and onion are transparent. Add apple, chicken livers and seasonings, cover pan and cook until the livers lose their pinkish colour. Remove the cover and continue cooking, stirring occasionally until any excess moisture has evaporated. Purée mixture along with butter and sherry in a food processor or blender. Store in the refrigerator. If storing for several days, seal with a layer of melted butter before refrigerating. It also freezes well.