If you haven’t heard, we are in the midst of eclipse season, a time for introspection, transformations, sheddings, endings, and new beginnings; and I think I’ve uncovered more about myself in the past week than I have in the past 3 years when my healing journey began. I feel the impulse to lay low, and protect myself right now because I wasn’t expecting the kind of revelations that I came to with my therapist last week; I thought I had it mostly figured out and now I have a whole new can of worms crawling around my brain. When I first started working with her, I thought I was just paying someone to listen to me, validate my feelings, and corroborate my trauma. I didn’t realize at the time that I was learning myself, and what to do with that; as I recently heard Viola Davis say: ‘You are the orchestrator of your own demise, and your own blessings’.
If you are familiar with the healing space and the vocabulary that gets tossed around on the internet, what we attempt to do with our newfound awareness is often labeled ‘doing the work’, but I always found this very abstract. It’s like okay, you start to become aware of yourself and your patterns, you hang out with your inner child for a bit, maybe you put up some boundaries, but then what? What do we actually do with all of this information? And how exactly do we change? Or return back to ourselves? Do we ever change? I struggled to find many tangible examples of how people do the work. Yes there are many people in the health and wellness space who are explicitly doing it, but I felt like it all looked the same (expensive and rose-coloured) and that we were only getting the before and after, not the in between. From what I understand, the work is really never done, so it really is the journey that I find intriguing as opposed to the destination.
I came across Heather Jewett’s podcast Bimbo Summit, a few weeks ago. If you don’t know her, she was the front woman of the band Gravy Train!!!!, a comedian, and a writer. I had heard Heather on some choice pods I listen to and was due for a new feed of talking heads. I came for the lols, but I was unexpectedly sucked in by a saga of episodes in which she podcasts through a recent breakup wherein she was broken up with over text. Jewett is a sex and love addict who has been through the twelve step program, and prior to her relationship referred to herself as a ‘volcel’. She is acutely aware of her patterning, but she found herself in a relationship that ultimately left her incredibly depressed, not all in part from the breakup, but because she was with a person who didn’t see or appreciate her genius. Throughout the 10ish episode saga Jewett talks into the mic to go over the details, re-lives the memories, reconciles with self worth and honestly just lays it all out there so that she can pick up the pieces to move on. I’ve been so compelled by this because it’s extremely relatable, it’s self reflective, and we very generously get to witness the act of doing the work, of showing up and facing what is painful, so that we can try to break free.
In her essay Saving the Life That is Your Own, Alice Walker explores the importance of having these models in art and literature, but I think it applies to what I’m talking about here:
The absence of models, in literature as in life, to say nothing of painting, is an occupational hazard for the artist, simply because models in art, in behavior, in growth of spirit and intellect - even if rejected - enrich and enlarge one’s view of existence…What is always needed in the appreciation of art, or life, is the larger perspective. Connections made, or at least attempted, where none existed before, the straining to encompass in one’s glance at the varied world the common thread, the unifying theme through immense diversity, a fearlessness of growth, of search, of looking, that enlarges the private and the public world. And yet, in our particular society, it is the narrowed and narrowing view of life that often wins.
Speaking of narrow, If you know me, you know that reality tv is one of my drugs of choice, and the reason I find it so fascinating is exactly what Walker talks about above; it is a window into a different class of women (usually) who are all trying to figure out the same shit as me: how to be in right relationship with yourself and others. Deep Dive with Jamie Stein is a podcast that really helps me to reconcile my juxtaposed love of trash television, and self improvement/spiritual growth. Stein is an intuitive who explores the conflicts happening on The Real Housewives by ‘dropping in’ to cast members to reveal their ego stories and core wounds/beliefs, to give us a deeper understanding into what could really be at play. He goes beyond the surface and limitations of the show to erase the illusion of separateness and remind us how we are all connected.
When I was watching the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion, I was so deeply disturbed by their treatment of the only black cast member Garcelle Beauvais, that it felt like a gift from the universe when writer Marjon Carlos went on IG live to parse out the microaggressions at play. The discourse was not only healing in that it made me feel less alone in my feelings, it actually validated an aggression I had experienced at work the day before that some people in my life weren’t able to understand. It is has been through the engagement with Jewett, Walker, Stein, and Carlos’ work over the last couple weeks, that I was able to come to some hard realizations about my own life, because I had mirrors, language, and examples. To me, these four are doing the work - in a way that is perhaps untraditional, but in turn, led me to do mine.
Scorpio Plate
Less of a recipe, more of an assemblage if you will. This plate evokes the color palate of eclipse, scorpio season, and samhain thanks to black rice and radicchio. Black rice is a great source of protein, fibre, and iron, is rich in antioxidants, and is naturally gluten free. It also has a great nutty texture and flavor that makes it very enjoyable to eat. The dressing is a fave by Laura Wright of The First Mess, I’ve been cooking her plant-based recipes for years!
1 cup black rice
1 delicata squash
1 head raddichio
1 batch liquid gold dressing
Olive oil
Salt and pepper
Bay leaf (optional)
Cook 1 cup of black rice in 2 cups of water seasoned with salt and a bay leaf if you have it. Meanwhile, cut the delicata squash into half moons, toss with oil, salt and pepper and throw onto a baking sheet to roast at 425 for about 25 minutes, flipping half way through. While the squash roasts, finely chop the radicchio into strips and wash. When the squash is finished, empty two thirds of the rice onto a serving platter (save the rest for a future grain bowl or to add into soup!) and toss with the radicchio and ½ cup of the dressing. Arrange the squash on top and drizzle with a bit more dressing.