In case you missed it (or don’t follow me on IG): I have officially left the city! And not only that, l also left my job of almost 6 years in anticipation of launching my nutrition business this fall *cue’s david bowie track*. June has been the most intense month of this year for me in all of the ways that I was and wasn’t expecting.
First, I had not anticipated the emotions that came with leaving my position at the AGO at the beginning of the month. I cried more in the week leading up to my departure than I have cried all year? I had been so caught up in the day to day bureaucracy and overarching narratives that it all hit me at the very end how proud I was to have found my place such a large cultural institution, the impact of my work serving youth and community partners that often go unsupported, and how much I would miss my amazing colleagues who I saw and spoke to more than some of my closest friends. However, all of this processing was quickly redirected to the move that was happening no less than 5 days after my last day of work, with zero packing or preparation done in advance. I spent the days leading up to it in survival mode, or as my massage therapist put it, goblin mode. During intense times of change and stress, our bodies naturally want to protect themselves, and so we often revert to the strongest patterns that have held us in the past. For me, this meant drinking a glass or two of wine every night, ordering take out, and binging reality television podcasts while I worked at purging and packing our entire lives away. I did away with most of the tools that support me aside from the bare minimum: water, a whole food breakfast and walks in the park to break up the day. Meditation? No time. Cooking? The kitchen is packed away! Supplements? If I happened to remember..
By the time we reached the otherside, and the movers had driven off, I was completely toast. Nervous system shot, physical body aching, skin freaking out, brain-dead..I’ve set up my summer in a way that will give me lots of space and time to settle into our new life, finish up school, and get everything ready to launch my business, but I'm realizing that going slowly is an advance practice! I crave structure, and I’m one of those people who ‘works well under pressure’. My body is making me retire early, and wake up late, choose low impact movement, take my time making and eating nourishing foods, and taking many swims and baths; but my mind is telling me to be productive and optimize every minute and second of this ‘down time’ by writing emails, creating content, plugging away at my final report for school, and setting up my apartment up perfectly with no box left unopened. In my heart, I know that in order to embrace this change, and step into this new phase of my life with clarity, energy, and intention - I need to prioritize the former however uncomfortable it may be. Listening to yourself is a practice, a skill that needs to be repeated over and over until it’s your go-to, as opposed to goblin mode, and what better lesson than to tap into my own body wisdom this summer before I begin to help others in doing the same.
Strawberry-Beet Chia Pudding
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