Can you believe the holidays are just around the corner? Time seriously flies. Even the idea of December used to really stress me out; familial obligations and the dynamics that come with it, too many events in the calendar to count, and enough booze, cigs, cheese, and sugar in my system that I would basically spend the next two months of the new year recovering from the final month of the last - not balanced! As we know, the pandemic took its hold on the holidays for the last two years, which frankly I felt I needed to get my bearings back and have some real rest and respite. This year however, though the pandem persists, it is really the first year celebrations are back in full force and I think many of us are both excited and apprehensive for all I mentioned above. The holidays are really not meant to be stressful, in essence it’s a season to mark the passage of time, to commune, to break bread, to reflect, to indulge and to celebrate - all very lovely and important things! Oftentimes, we just aren’t equipped with tools to turn to when things get hairy, or the self knowledge that is needed for us to participate in a way that feels good.
Stress is a series of physiological responses that can occur as a result of any number of triggers (from not eating enough or getting in an argument, to an emotional or physical trauma) that threaten your sense of safety. This can be conscious, unconscious, or biological. The stress response is orchestrated by the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, which picks up on these triggers and if any seem threatening to your safety, they release hormones into your system that are meant to protect you, but can ultimately have negative effects on the body, particularly if you aren’t in danger in the traditional sense. This is because when the body is stressed, it shuts down other systems in attempts to conserve resources in priority of our fight-or-flight response (governed by the sympathetic nervous system); these systems include sleep, digestion ( both ruled by the parasympathetic nervous system), and reproduction. For me, my period is the first thing to go when I’m stressed out. This used to very much add to my stress, but now that I have this knowledge, it’s a helpful sign in realizing that I need to implement some extra support. These are the things that I work with to manage my stress, and I hope some of them work for you too!
Boundaries
This has been a real game changer for me. If you feel overwhelmed, resentful, avoidant, burned out, or that you have no time for yourself, you likely need to implement boundaries. To figure out my own, I had to first get clear on what I had the capacity for, what I wanted to show up for and how. Boundaries helped me to understand myself and in turn, helped others to understand me. Some of mine include: nights at home without alcohol, my bedtime, having alone time, and saying no thank you. This is easier said than done - guilt, remorse, and fear will come up! But the more you practice the easier it gets. I highly suggest reading Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab to go deeper with this one.
Go For a Walk
I can get pretty claustrophobic over the holidays being in the same house over a number of days with lots of people. Getting out for a walk is a great way to take some time for yourself, and feel refreshed by the cool air. Exercise is a huge stress reliever and is beneficial for your mind, body, and mood. It also boosts circulation and decompresses our organs which can get bunched up when we are couch bound. Sorry to sound like your mom lol
Call a Friend
This is something I need to remind myself to do more often (I have a hard time asking for help) but is SO nourishing. Calling or hanging out with a bestie who *sees* you, who can make you laugh, and can handle your tears takes the weight off like no other. Times are tough, and we can lean on each other.
Take a (Guided) Rest
Tara Brach is my girl when I need to pop a chill pill. She gives the most nurturing and calming voice, and her meditations usually involve a body scan which helps me to quiet my mind and stay present. She drops a new mediation each week on her podcast linked above, as well as a talk on psychology through a buddhist framework. Listening to her episode ‘Preparing Our Hearts for the Holidays' is a new tradition for me!
Write It Out
I find that when I write things it actually makes more space in my brain - the act is super freeing. This can be anything from a to-do list or journaling about feelings. I started this practice during lockdown and it’s made a big impact on my anxiety and has helped me learn and process my emotions.
Fight Fire with Heat
A few years ago, I started unknowingly meditating when I would do the water circuit at the YMCA (hot tub, steam room, cold shower, sauna, cold shower). I would bear the heat by solely focusing on my breath and listening to the sounds around me, and leave feeling like a brand new woman. Heat really allows me to drop in, and quick. My favorite methods are: a bath (full body or foot), sauna, herbal steam, and my flax heating pad - pure comfort and relaxation.
Get Poked
Acupuncture is another biggie for me. It has completely mellowed me out in a way that I would have never expected. I’ve been going consistently for about a year and a half and the biggest change I’ve noticed has been its effects on my nervous system. My hot tips: 1) find a community clinic in your city - they are an accessible offering since they are usually on a sliding scale (between $25-$50), 2) ask them to do ear points.
Yams in Curry by Brooke Gangbar (wishbones)
Below is a recipe that my good friend Brooke made for me a couple weeks ago - it was so good I needed the recipe stat (and I thought you would want it too!). Brooke is one half of wishbones, who are currently working on publishing volume 3 of The Community Cookbook.
A couple weeks ago I invited Mada over for dinner. The plans and by extension….. menu changed multiple times over a 3 day period. When I have overbooked myself I instinctually try to adapt my plans, my brain circles around ideas, I want to cancel, I want to go out for soup, I don’t want to drink, I need a glass of wine. This particular night nothing felt special enough or easy enough to make. We couldn’t pick a restaurant that would nourish us and we didn’t want to spend 200 dollars on a radicchio salad with apples and aged cheddar with the same 40 dollar bottle of light red…. What we both did know is we needed to talk, and we needed to talk about the stress that is surrounding us, and the stress that is surrounding our family and friends. When I experience stress I am both inherently unable to anticipate and plan for the future, and reliant on plans for the future as a way to look forward. After finally deciding to stay-in, to cook and yes, drink wine. I looked in my fridge and came up with Yams in Curry. This is a great vegetarian main or hearty side for a cold evening. I will look forward to making this again.
Ingredients
2 Yams (i used Japanese yams but any yam or sweet potato would work)
1 can coconut milk
1 tin of Maesri Thai Red Curry Paste Or 3 tablespoons of red curry paste (yellow would also be nice)
1 tablespoon coconut sugar (brown sugar or palm sugar would also work)
2 tablespoons of toasted peanut
2 tablespoons toasted sesame seeds
1 tablespoon avocado oil (or any other neutral oil)
Preparation
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Quarter yams and toss in oil. Place yams flesh side up in a cast iron or baking sheet. Cook for 35-40 minutes. Adding a little bit of water to the pan as a steaming method if yams seem dry or undercooked. Let water evaporate.
While yams are cooking, place curry paste in a small saucepan and heat through to wake up the aromatics. Lower heat and add in coconut milk and sugar. Let sauce simmer at lowest temperature possible.
Toast nuts and seeds. Crush in mortar and pestle or with the back of a knife. Plate by laying yams (flesh side up), crushed nuts and seeds, sauce, and more crushed nuts and seeds. Top with cilantro or green onion (I didn’t have either but would be great with something green!)